My Christian Story
The best way for me to explain how and why Christianity fits on this site is to just tell my story. One of my earliest memories as a child was whenever my Aunt Elise would ask me if I wanted to go pray the rosary with her. I can remember the excitement. I would jump at the opportunity to spend time with her. Those are some of my most cherished memories. 
So, off we would go. Into the bedroom. Me with my rosary and Aunt Elise with hers. And we would kneel down and begin to pray. She would say the first half and I would say the second half. And I can remember, in between prayers, she would always declare her love for Jesus. And then she would remind me, “Debbie, no matter what. Jesus will always be your friend.”
I can remember the last time I talked to Aunt Elise. She told me, “Debbie, pray the rosary every day.” I must admit, I fell very short of that hope and prayer of hers. But one thing was for sure. When she was alive, she was one of the few people who earnestly and honestly prayed for me. And for that, I will always be grateful.
The Phases of Life
Like most people, I went through many phases of my life. Some where I would question everything. Other times when I would doubt because I didn’t understand. Other times, I would repent. Other times, I would look at people and the world with amazement. Other times, I would look at the world with heartache and disappointment. And other times, I would just bask in the Presence.
I can remember at Christmas time. I would always go to the manger scene and bow down in reverence to Baby Jesus. I would tell Jesus, “Happy Birthday.” And I would tell him I loved him. I still stop and pause to do that at Christmas time.
We All Make Mistakes
That is not to say I was perfect. Far, FAR from it. In fact, I would openly admit that if anyone needs a savior, it would be me. I can remember telling my friends at church this one time, “I love Jesus. I need a savior.” And one of my friends said, “We all do.”
But one of the main turning points in my life was shortly after my first divorce. If only I had known then what I had in store for me. And if only I had known then what I know now, I can promise you that I would have seen more good and less fault in the father of my son. But at
the time, I was young, immature and clueless about why I got married. And I was equally clueless about why I got divorced. I was only 23 years old.
I hooked up with my second husband and one day, decided that I wanted and needed to go to confession. You know, to confess my divorce and other shortcomings. I will never forget the words that priest spoke to me that day. First, he questioned me about getting married in the Catholic church and then getting divorced. I confirmed this was true.
And then he said the words that forever changed my destiny. He said, “I’m sorry but I cannot grant you absolution.” For those who are not familiar with the Catholic language, this was another way of saying, “You cannot be forgiven.” To me, he might as well have said, “You are going to hell.”
I left there extremely emotional and shaken. I cried the whole way home. And cried some more. For days. And days.
The Turning Point
One Saturday morning, I had two dreams. I know it was Saturday because I was able to sleep in and did not have to go to work. The first dream was of my grandfather, who reassured me that he knew I never meant to hurt anyone.
But the second dream was of Jesus. I was at the foot of the cross. I can remember so clearly that the sky was this beautiful, royal blue color. I was looking up at him. And I can remember there was a slight breeze and I could see his hair blowing slightly in the wind. He was looking down at me.
I was completely silent. Which, if you knew me at the time, you would know this was unusual. I was in awe.\
I looked up at him and that is when he spoke to me. But it he did not speak out loud, verbally. Instead, he spoke to me with thoughts. I know now that this is called “telepathy.” And he spoke to me, not in biblical language, but in “my” language. And this is what he said, “This is why I did this. So you could be forgiven.” And he emphasized the word, “could.”
Your Faith Is Not Crazy
I woke up so very much in awe, humbled and grateful. I remember telling my second husband about the dream. And I can remember him laughing at me and making fun of me. I don’t remember the exact words, but I remember the meaning behind them. That he thought I was crazy.
But I never forgot. I did, however, go on to study other things. Other spiritual belief systems. Other religions. Near death experiences. Psychology. Science, etc. Because I felt like, after all, I had been “kicked out” of the Catholic church. I felt like I had no choice but to find another path.
But no matter what I studied or what I learned, I always viewed everything through the lens of a Christian. Maybe not a “traditional” Christian. But instead, a Christian who truly and simply loved Jesus.
Putting It All Together
One of the hardest things for me to do all of these years was to figure out how to integrate all of my studies together in a way that I felt would honor Jesus and all Christians. In other words, the last thing I wanted to do was to go against my Christian beliefs or foundation.
This was often a challenge. And I was often challenged. By whoever, I don’t know. But I can promise you, I have had plenty of obstacles, challenges and doubts laid down before me in the paths I journeyed in this life. I can remember telling one of my friends, “Life is an obstacle course.” Because for me, it was.
The Second Dream – You Are Worthy
Years later, I had another dream about Jesus. After another one of my “mistakes.” In this dream, a relationship of mine was ending. I can remember being in an old, ancient, concrete building. And I was sitting on a concrete table. I looked up and saw this man (that I had been in a relationship with) leaving the building. He looked back at me and he looked sad.
And then I looked down and Jesus was below me and began washing my feet. What stands out to me the most about this dream was the immense and intense love that I felt from him. Neither of us said a word during the entire dream. There were no words. Only love.
When I first woke up, I remember thinking how I never wanted that feeling to end. How I wanted to just feel it for as long as I possibly could. And then I remembered the man I was in a relationship with. And I remember seeing him leave. And I remember that is when it hit me. He is leaving. He is gone now.
But then I thought about Jesus. It felt as though this “man” was turning me over to Jesus. I can remember how unworthy I felt at that point in my life. And how worthy Jesus made me feel as he washed my feet. To this day, I often wonder, “Was I Judas?” And I always think to myself, “I hope not.”
Trying To Honor Jesus
But either way, I know that no matter what I studied in this life, what I did or what I attempted to do, if it did not honor my personal beliefs 
about Jesus, then I could not go through with it. Again, not saying I was perfect. I am just saying that this stopped me many times dead in my tracks.
But the bottom line here is that no matter what I did, what I studied or what I tried to interpret, I did so through the lens of someone who was far from perfect, but had much love for Jesus. I never wanted to dishonor him. At least, not on purpose.
Which is why it took me YEARS to be able to put together this site and my online business. I started over more times than you could ever imagine or comprehend. Always because those doubts would creep in and I would question whether or not what I was doing would honor Jesus.
How To Integrate It All Together
So here I am. Here you are. Here we both are. I hope that you can understand after reading this how much I want to honor Jesus. But at the same time, how I studied many other belief systems and why. The point here is that I did study other belief systems other than just the Bible. But I did so through the lens of my own Christian beliefs and experiences.
With that in mind, I read the entire Bible as well. From front to back. I have an underlined copy. And I refer to it often. However, I studied other things as well. Some people are okay with that. Some people aren’t.
To integrate all of this together has not been easy. But I feel that my work is important in helping to heal the division in this world at this time. Or at least, I hope so. That is my intention. I pray that you will view my work through the same lens. With the love of Jesus.
You Are Worthy
Last, I hope that you also get from this story how very worthy you are. In my belief, all life is worthy of value and respect. Especially you. If you can take just one meaning from being here, that is what I want you to get. That you are worthy. And… we all make mistakes. That is why Jesus did what he did. Because he loves us and he wanted to make it right. In my humble opinion.
If you read this article, then you know my heart. In spite of my mistakes. And if you resonate with this story in any way, then I know yours.
